Thursday, April 21, 2011

The sun is shining...

 In honor of the springtime weather, we'll pull a recent memory from Facebook.
Attention Baltimore Men: The sun shining does not mean we're suddenly at Senior Week. Please don't honk at me and expect a phone number.

From the Facebook peanut gallery:

"Sorry about that, I was just trying to get your attention..."
"But it is so much easier than buying flowers."
"Better than slowly cruising next to you with the window down trying to talk with you..."
"Some guy tried to "give me a ride" when i was running in the rain yesterday!!! Really???? What's wrong with people!!!"
"Apparently it takes cutting off all your hair for the boys to finally get the point! Just sayin... LOL!"

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

What it should look like, example 1: Surprise treat for me!

Dear Men of Baltimore,

I am currently eating a chocolate Frosty with M&M's from Wendy's. It was handed to me 5 minutes ago. 

The man who got it for me stopped at Wendy's to pick up his own lunch on the way back to the office. When he saw this item on the menu, he thought to himself, "Hmm, I know someone loves chocolate milkshakes and M&M's, I bet she would like this." So he got it for me. That simple.

*Disclosure notice: This man is happily married and in his 60's...not in the dating pool. But he totally has the right idea of doing nice little things for people.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

It could be a secret...

In November, I received this text from a coworker:

"Some guy at the gas station asked me out. When I told him I was involved, he said it could be a secret [and put his finger to his lips in a 'shhh' gesture]... Real original line 'When are you gonna let me take you out sometime?'"

Take note, 'it could be a secret' is not appealing to grown women. 

Also, that line about when is just AWFUL. The correct response is "...When you learn how to appropriately approach a female."

Friday, April 8, 2011

If you have to apologize....

Dear Men of Baltimore,

If you have to apologize for inappropriately approaching a woman, the right time to ask her out again is NOT during the apology.

Please leave all cheesy lines about what happened when eye contact was made to John Cusack. He plays that role better than you.

And finally, if you say "trust me, I never do this" we know you're lying.

Here's the actual e-mail, with personal details edited out:

[Insert Name] here from [place we met]. (I was the handsome and funny white guy)  I just wanted to send you a quick note to apologize, if I at all made you uncomfortable with my fun and witty banter about getting your phone number to let you know about the next week’s event and the possible of getting dinner with you sometime.  I should not have put you in that position in front of a bunch of people you had just met.  I’m sorry.  I hope you accept my apology.  If I wanted to get your phone number and ask you out to get to know you better, I should have done this just between the two of us.

I think you will make a great addition and I am hopeful that you will continue to show up on Tuesday’s evenings. 

However, if you would like to catch up sometime for lunch or a quick bite to eat, I would definitely be up for it.  Trust me, this is the first time I have ever done anything like this… so this is kind of weird for me, but when I first made eye contact with you and then smiled at you, I knew I needed to get to know you.  At this point I am sure you are either thinking this guy is a total freakin wack job or maybe you are actually finding this note endearing.  Yikes!  Now I am starting to think I am nuts for writing this.  Haha.  Oh well… You only live once!  Anyway…

It will be great to have you as a part of [Tuesday nights] and if it is best that we are just friends, I am totally cool with that and I promise things wouldn’t be weird at all.  But if you would like to catch up sometime to get to know each other (outside of Tuesday nights), let me know!  Hope your day is going great.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

First Post

Why this blog?

I am in the habit of telling men when they do something unacceptable. I give them constructive criticism that I think will help them to do better in their future dating endeavors. For example, my personal pet peeve is asking for a date via text message. If a guy does this, I don't simply say no. I explain that most women appreciate a man with a little self confidence, and though it may be scary to pick up the phone and call, he's more likely to get a yes that way.

I call this being helpful. My best friend calls it being bitchy.

Regardless of semantics, there has been an all too entertaining trend of unacceptable behavior. Maybe with my 'help' some men will learn from the mistakes of others?