Friday, May 27, 2011

Delaware Edition

Dear Boys of Delaware,

I shouldn't pick on ONLY Baltimore men. Really though, I kind of want to give you props for the creative twist on the car pick up attempt.

The simple fact that you yelled loud enough for me to hear you across two lanes of highway traffic going 60 mph is impressive all by itself. I couldn't help but smile (laugh) at you.

The display of teamwork was pretty awesome too. To the boy riding shotgun, your friend driving is an excellent wingman. You should thank him and keep him around. I can't believe he was willing to slow down and be the jerk going 45 mph in the left lane, just so you could hold up a notebook with your phone number written very large in sharpie.

All the same, you won't be hearing from me. But thanks for the laughs!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Multiple flags: Car pick up artist & a cheater

Dear Men of Baltimore,

When I walk my dog after work, I'm actually just trying to unwind and be a good pet mommy. I'm not dressed to impress. I'm not interested in socializing  -- that's why people go to parks, yet I'm walking on neighborhood streets.

What I am is very alert. I notice vehicles that turn around on the same street 3 times, then pull over. I know you don't live at that house, because I walk this street all the time and I am alert. By the time you pull up next to me, I have already memorized your license plate and I've considered taking my 75-pound pit bull's muzzle off.

So when you ask if we can exchange phone numbers and I say, "Not interested, have a boyfriend, thanks" and keep on walking, you should really quit there. You've already committed one major d-bag offense. Was it really necessary to reply with, "But I'm cool with that, I don't mind if you got a man..."?! Men like you, sir, are why I carry mace when I walk my dog. And no, the fact that you're driving a Lexus doesn't change my opinion.

Gentlemen, I know we've already talked about honking and hollering from your car. I guess I should have been more clear; even if you don't honk or holler, pretty much any approach from your car (Lexus or not) is unacceptable.  Let's make that a rule, shall we? From now on, NO pick up attempts from inside your vehicle.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Go on with your bad self

Dear Men of Baltimore,

I have spies. This morning my best friend spotted one of you, sashaying your way down the Baltimore runway (crosswalk).

Today is Monday and this occurred before 8 a.m. Yet you were reveling in your fabulosity.

You are an inspiration, and this is always a good look.