Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Well, ya know... No.

Dear Men of Baltimore,

I've told you this before: I don't just speak for myself in this blog. My girlfriends are less than impressed with you too. As my one friend put it today, "I think they're just getting lazier."

One of Baltimore's classiest approached her in a 7-11 this morning and bypassed all standard greetings, instead opting to open with, "Yo, ya gotta man or sumthin?"
She replied yes and held up her hand, displaying a diamond-clad ring finger, then walked on to continue her shopping (and escape his rank BO).
He then followed her around the store and began the all-too-common protest we hear (the implication that monogamy doesn't matter). He started with, "Well, ya know..." and she quickly shut him down with a simple and firm, "No."

Tell me, MOB, are there many Women of Baltimore who buy into that? I personally don't know any females who that crap has worked on, but if I'm wrong, please tell me! Otherwise, can you explain what it is about you that is SO incredible you think you can turn classy women into cheaters? Because we just aren't seeing it...

Sunday, June 26, 2011


Dear Men of Baltimore,

I am not the only one who finds you to be offensive/inappropriate.

For other women's perspective please visit:

Me & Lots More Baltimore Women

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Dear gay MOB,
You are my FAVORITE. I love when you say my dress is fierce & matches my cute pit bull tattoo... And when you say my look is next month's Vogue :)
Dear MOB (outside of Panera part 2),
Cruising by at 1 MPH & hollering, "Is that your man you textin?" at the girl going inside for her shift is not a good look.
Dear MOB (outside of Panera),
What it looks like: The guy who politely, in passing, said "Excuse me, you are very attractive." No pick up attempt, just nice.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Delaware Edition

Dear Boys of Delaware,

I shouldn't pick on ONLY Baltimore men. Really though, I kind of want to give you props for the creative twist on the car pick up attempt.

The simple fact that you yelled loud enough for me to hear you across two lanes of highway traffic going 60 mph is impressive all by itself. I couldn't help but smile (laugh) at you.

The display of teamwork was pretty awesome too. To the boy riding shotgun, your friend driving is an excellent wingman. You should thank him and keep him around. I can't believe he was willing to slow down and be the jerk going 45 mph in the left lane, just so you could hold up a notebook with your phone number written very large in sharpie.

All the same, you won't be hearing from me. But thanks for the laughs!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Multiple flags: Car pick up artist & a cheater

Dear Men of Baltimore,

When I walk my dog after work, I'm actually just trying to unwind and be a good pet mommy. I'm not dressed to impress. I'm not interested in socializing  -- that's why people go to parks, yet I'm walking on neighborhood streets.

What I am is very alert. I notice vehicles that turn around on the same street 3 times, then pull over. I know you don't live at that house, because I walk this street all the time and I am alert. By the time you pull up next to me, I have already memorized your license plate and I've considered taking my 75-pound pit bull's muzzle off.

So when you ask if we can exchange phone numbers and I say, "Not interested, have a boyfriend, thanks" and keep on walking, you should really quit there. You've already committed one major d-bag offense. Was it really necessary to reply with, "But I'm cool with that, I don't mind if you got a man..."?! Men like you, sir, are why I carry mace when I walk my dog. And no, the fact that you're driving a Lexus doesn't change my opinion.

Gentlemen, I know we've already talked about honking and hollering from your car. I guess I should have been more clear; even if you don't honk or holler, pretty much any approach from your car (Lexus or not) is unacceptable.  Let's make that a rule, shall we? From now on, NO pick up attempts from inside your vehicle.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Go on with your bad self

Dear Men of Baltimore,

I have spies. This morning my best friend spotted one of you, sashaying your way down the Baltimore runway (crosswalk).

Today is Monday and this occurred before 8 a.m. Yet you were reveling in your fabulosity.

You are an inspiration, and this is always a good look.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The sun is shining...

 In honor of the springtime weather, we'll pull a recent memory from Facebook.
Attention Baltimore Men: The sun shining does not mean we're suddenly at Senior Week. Please don't honk at me and expect a phone number.

From the Facebook peanut gallery:

"Sorry about that, I was just trying to get your attention..."
"But it is so much easier than buying flowers."
"Better than slowly cruising next to you with the window down trying to talk with you..."
"Some guy tried to "give me a ride" when i was running in the rain yesterday!!! Really???? What's wrong with people!!!"
"Apparently it takes cutting off all your hair for the boys to finally get the point! Just sayin... LOL!"

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

What it should look like, example 1: Surprise treat for me!

Dear Men of Baltimore,

I am currently eating a chocolate Frosty with M&M's from Wendy's. It was handed to me 5 minutes ago. 

The man who got it for me stopped at Wendy's to pick up his own lunch on the way back to the office. When he saw this item on the menu, he thought to himself, "Hmm, I know someone loves chocolate milkshakes and M&M's, I bet she would like this." So he got it for me. That simple.

*Disclosure notice: This man is happily married and in his 60's...not in the dating pool. But he totally has the right idea of doing nice little things for people.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

It could be a secret...

In November, I received this text from a coworker:

"Some guy at the gas station asked me out. When I told him I was involved, he said it could be a secret [and put his finger to his lips in a 'shhh' gesture]... Real original line 'When are you gonna let me take you out sometime?'"

Take note, 'it could be a secret' is not appealing to grown women. 

Also, that line about when is just AWFUL. The correct response is "...When you learn how to appropriately approach a female."

Friday, April 8, 2011

If you have to apologize....

Dear Men of Baltimore,

If you have to apologize for inappropriately approaching a woman, the right time to ask her out again is NOT during the apology.

Please leave all cheesy lines about what happened when eye contact was made to John Cusack. He plays that role better than you.

And finally, if you say "trust me, I never do this" we know you're lying.

Here's the actual e-mail, with personal details edited out:

[Insert Name] here from [place we met]. (I was the handsome and funny white guy)  I just wanted to send you a quick note to apologize, if I at all made you uncomfortable with my fun and witty banter about getting your phone number to let you know about the next week’s event and the possible of getting dinner with you sometime.  I should not have put you in that position in front of a bunch of people you had just met.  I’m sorry.  I hope you accept my apology.  If I wanted to get your phone number and ask you out to get to know you better, I should have done this just between the two of us.

I think you will make a great addition and I am hopeful that you will continue to show up on Tuesday’s evenings. 

However, if you would like to catch up sometime for lunch or a quick bite to eat, I would definitely be up for it.  Trust me, this is the first time I have ever done anything like this… so this is kind of weird for me, but when I first made eye contact with you and then smiled at you, I knew I needed to get to know you.  At this point I am sure you are either thinking this guy is a total freakin wack job or maybe you are actually finding this note endearing.  Yikes!  Now I am starting to think I am nuts for writing this.  Haha.  Oh well… You only live once!  Anyway…

It will be great to have you as a part of [Tuesday nights] and if it is best that we are just friends, I am totally cool with that and I promise things wouldn’t be weird at all.  But if you would like to catch up sometime to get to know each other (outside of Tuesday nights), let me know!  Hope your day is going great.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

First Post

Why this blog?

I am in the habit of telling men when they do something unacceptable. I give them constructive criticism that I think will help them to do better in their future dating endeavors. For example, my personal pet peeve is asking for a date via text message. If a guy does this, I don't simply say no. I explain that most women appreciate a man with a little self confidence, and though it may be scary to pick up the phone and call, he's more likely to get a yes that way.

I call this being helpful. My best friend calls it being bitchy.

Regardless of semantics, there has been an all too entertaining trend of unacceptable behavior. Maybe with my 'help' some men will learn from the mistakes of others?